Be prepared...unintentional ranting ahead!

Everything has changed since I last wrote...

In the end, I didn't move to a new host family. The doctor ultimately declined, saying it was too much for her right now to take in an ''American girl"...this leads me to say...

I don't understand why so many people declined hosting me during this year. Every time, it was the same. They didn't say, "We're sorry, but we can't host an exchange student right now." It was always, "We're sorry, but we can't host an American girl right now." My host mom (who has confessed to me that she agreed to host me, only out of obligation because she was also sending her son) said to me once, that because I'm American, because I'm from such a developed country, many families here will feel uncomfortable, and even ashamed of their homes and lives, if I stay with them. What will I think of the food they serve? What will I think of the squat toilet I have to use?

But who am I? Some foreign nobility they must impress? I have had this same feeling so many times throughout this year, and still, I get fed up. Why must people here look up to me, because of my nationality? Why should they be ashamed to share themselves with me, and teach me about their culture. I would have never signed up for this program, or chosen India as number one, if I wasn't ready for a year that was completely different from everything I knew.

Do people here really have only one perception of Americans? If so, that makes me extremely sad. Contrary to popular belief, I am not some rich girl, who has my own car, and eats McDonald's for lunch and pizza for dinner, every day. I am not a Christian who goes to church every Sunday. I have not had multiple boyfriends. My education was not easy or simple. Oh yeah, and I am not afraid of "Blacks".

But unfortunately, this is what most people think after taking just one look at me. By the color of my skin, and the clothes that I wear, I am labeled an outsider, and that label, I believe, can never disappear in their minds. And on top of being an outsider, I am American. Sometimes I resent this label. Why can't I just say I'm from, say, Switzerland? Maybe then, I wouldn't have to deal with the misconceptions of being American.

And don't think I receive negative attention for being American. It is quite the opposite. It's the admiration that I loathe, the sparks in peoples' eyes when they realize they've met their first, real life, American. So many American tourists suggest to wear Canadian flags while traveling. But if you want to get anywhere in India, show that Red, White, and Blue proudly, wave those stars and stripes up high. Because nothing is cooler than the land of McDonald's, Akon, or High School Musical. Believe me people when I say, this is what we are known for! Somehow, this is what our reputation in India has come to!

I am done explaining to my teachers at school, or to Rotarians, or to my dance and cooking instructors, what my life at home is really like. I think it is time that America creates a positive, and accurate public image, because I am tired of doing all the explaining!!!


Note to readers: It is 2 AM, it's about 100 degrees, I can't sleep, and the above rant was unintentional. I know it is biased and overgeneralized. I innocently went to write a blog, just to provide an update on my life. But instead, this came spewing out of my head. Maybe tomorrow, I'll read it again, and question what I was thinking, but for now, I will leave it posted.

Goodnight I guess!

Mind Games...

I've returned to the dusty, noisy, and over-crowded city that I temporarily call home. It's strange, but after a month of traveling, I feel as if my year here in India is complete. I know I still have 2 months here. That's 8 weeks! That's 56 more days!

Some times, I think about that figure, and it seems so small. How am I going home so soon? What have I been doing here, what have I seen and experienced? Is there anything else I want to do before I leave? Yet other days I think about my time left, and I feel my homecoming couldn't come soon enough. I can't wait to see my family and friends. I can't wait to see my town and my house and see how everything has changed, yet also remained the same.

Two days back, after unpacking my suitcase and sending all of my clothes for washing, I couldn't bring myself to put my suitcase back up on the shelf where I keep it. I just had the desire to pack up my suitcase! I tested to see if my novels fit in the grooves of the metal frame. I tested to see if I could manage zipping my suitcase shut with my hula hoop inside. Then, I went through my two dressers and desk, putting aside all of the things I am planning to leave behind in India.

But what is it, that is subconsciously driving me to do this? I know that ideally, I would want to come home before May 1st. I want to visit my Grandma and family in Ohio, I want to see my parents and friends, and I want to be productive with my time (ie. A JOB). But also, I don't want to cut short my time here in India. I should complete my goal of 10 months in India, and not leave after just 8. Besides the three things that I mentioned that are pulling me to want to come home, there also seems to be a general 'nothingness' going on here, that is pushing me to go home. I hope that I'm making sense.

All I mean is that aside from my tours with the exchange students, my mom and aunt visiting, and the exciting Hindu festivals, my life here is pretty ho-hum. I am extremely appreciative of my host parents, who have done so much for me; arranging mehendi and art classes, taking me on many day trips, teaching me about their culture and customs, taking me to I think 10 Indian weddings, taking me shopping, and to see movies, and to swim at the health club, and giving me the opportunity to try every new Indian food! But they are so protective (for good reason, I know), I have never been able to discover anything on my own. No matter how much I tried to convince my self that it wasn't, school here was pretty much a failure. And frankly, the rest of my time is spent in our house, in the quiet last lane in our colony, reading, watching movies, dancing, doing mehendi, anything to pass the time.

In two days, I will be making my first host family switch. According to Rotary Youth Exchange guidelines, a students usually stays with three host families, for about 3+ months each. Well Rotary in India kind of throws all of those guidelines out the window. So, for that reason, after 7.5 months, I am making my first switch. But that family that I am going to (two doctors and three senior citizens...) can only host me for a week. Their situation has changed a bit, with the wife fracturing her wrist and the son's wedding date being preponed to early June. So after a week, I will move in with a different host family (this time for 2 weeks). Then I will be back here for my last month.

This is not the ideal situation, as I am trying to make plans as how I can spend my last two months. I have found a local non-profit, where 80 illiterate and underprivileged girls from small villages live, and they are taught basic skills in cooking, gardening, stitching, as well as health and self confidence. I visited the institute a few days ago, and while I thought it was a great place, doing a wonderful service to the women in need, I didn't see where I could fit in. It may seem like I am not trying, that I am too quick to make judgments, or that if I just go there, I will find something to do. But I am not sure yet whether I will be going there.

I have also found traditional Indian dance classes, that may be a possibility. I would love to learn Indian dance, and it is something I have been inquiring about since I first got here! I also have the opportunity to take a cooking class. This, I am certain I will do! I want to be able to come home and prepare meals for my family, and bring the traditional recipes over from India! I know I will miss the food here tremendously, and it will be great to be able to cook it for myself!

~ ~ ~

I think one of the best pieces of advice I received before coming here was from a past exchange student. He said, 'though it will be hard, try not to have any expectations of what your year will be like'. I have tried to do that here, though I have not always been successful at it, and I have been let down many times. But I feel that this advice needs to carry through to my return, I cannot have any expectations of my emotions upon departing, and I cannot have any expectations of what my life will be like back home...

Peace and Love to All.
***Good night***
Chloe

Another Perspective...

I am not trying to be lazy, and replace my own thoughts and experiences with those of someone else, but I have found a great blog about travel in India. Interestingly this guy is also from Connecticut, and this is his blog about his travels around the world. Reading his biography, he was a video game designer, uninspired by his work, who one day decided to take a trip to all the places he wanted to see. Everywhere he went, he took a video of himself doing a little jig. He made a video of his dances across all seven continents, and became somewhat of an internet dancing sensation.

I have only read his journal entries about India, but I found them very interesting and entertaining. He visited many places that I have been, and surprisingly, had many similar experiences (with Tibetans in Dharamsala, toilets on the train, dealing with beggars, and so on). His writing style is quite sarcastic, and his attitude is a bit judgmental and stubborn. But I like something about the way he accepts all of his experiences as parts of the whole...

Click here to view the blog!

Incredible India!

A wonderful commercial you should all see!

2010!

Well it's 2010! Hard to believe, huh? Yesterday marked exactly 6 months in India, and still I'm learning about this country, and its sometimes nonsensical practices! Like yesterday, I learned something from my host mom; plants cannot be touched, watered, or plucked at night time, because, well, "plants sleep too." I find that in India, everything has a specific time to sleep. All Hindu gods sleep for some time each day, and a curtain is drawn in front of them in every temple to mark this. Rajkot, a small city I visited in the state of Gujarat, naps every day from 2 to 4 PM, and the streets become almost deserted (for Indian standards)! I, on the other hand, have not taken to the Indian pastime of napping, and have kept up my same sleeping habits from home (bed time on a school night is 12...)!

Moving on, I have to say that I have A LOT to look forward to in the coming months. First of all, next week, I can officially hang up my two hideous navy blue and baby pink school uniforms and put away my clunky black sneakers because...I'm finished with school! Just a few more days, and I'm done! I have permission from my principal for a leave in February, and then in March, the school has exams (which I don't take). After exams, there is a short break, and April marks the beginning of the next school year. It's quite a different academic schedule from mine back home, but it seems to work in my benefit! Before I came on my exchange, my grandma asked me why I was voluntarily doing a fifth year of high school. She said, "You're already smart, you don't need it!" Well I do believe that human beings keep growing and learning every day, and from all sorts of experiences, but my grandma was right. Almost everything that I've learned while over here in India, has occurred outside of my school.

I mentioned above that I'll be taking leave for the full month of February. It is because two big things are happening next month. First, my mom and aunt Mitzi are coming to India! I am so excited to see them, and to show them where I've been living, what I've been eating, all that I'm learning. It will be interesting to be with them when they experience all the 'culture shocks' that I experienced in my first weeks here. They will stay here in Indore a few days, then we'll go together to Delhi and Chandigarh, to volunteer with Rotary's PolioPlus program. I'm sure we'll have an amazing time, volunteering, sight seeing, and just experiencing India!

After two weeks with them, I'll leave again to go on another tour with the exchange students. This time, to southern India (Kerala, Tamil Nadu, and Goa). I'm so thrilled to have the opportunity to visit the south! All the sights, smells, tastes, and languages will be completely different from what I have been exposed to for the last six months. Some things I know about south India; Coffee, pronounced "coppy", is the drink of choice, not tea. Coconut oil is used in all of the food preparations. Most south Indians eat a mountain-like pile of rice at each meal. It has a more tropical climate than where I stay. South Indian silk is absolutely gorgeous. Once ruled by the Portuguese, is one of the most popular Indian tourist destinations, known for beautiful beaches, fresh sea food, and sex tourism...I'm only interested in the beaches!!!

On new year's eve in Gujarat, I made a short term resolution to hula-hoop and exercise everyday. I was starting to feel lazy and even though I've lost a little weight over here, I just wasn't feeling great. After three consecutive days of hula-hooping, all I had a bruised waist. I guess I jumped in too quickly! So now I'm trying to be more well rounded, also doing yoga and dancing in my room. My next host family lives in walking distance from a sports club, and they told me I'll be able to go swimming every day! I am also planning on taking some more art classes and a dance class in March and April, which I am looking forward to!

I'll try to blog this month about some things I never made time to write about: Diwali, North India Tour, Christmas, and Gujarat Tour. I'll try to fit it all in before I leave in Feb., and I won't be able to blog for the entire month!

Happy New Year to you all!!! Chloe

Dear Santa…My 12 Christmas Wishes

A list of recent wishes, and what I’ve missed from home in the past 5 months! After number one, the other wishes are NOT in any order of importance.

1. I wish Health and Happiness for my family, friends, family friends, and friend’s families!!!
2. I wish I could sit around the Christmas tree with a fire in the fireplace, drink mom’s Spanish coquito, and snuggle with my kitties!
3. I wish to figure out what I will do in March and April, when I don’t have school.
4. I wish for a real pillow…such a small thing, but I would really appreciate it! I’m still sleeping on the travel neck pillow I bought for my flight!
5. I wish I could have a bowl of hot veggie dumpling soup right now! Mmmm
6. I wish that Obama’s approval ratings rise, and that the White House delivers its promises in 2010!
7. I wish I could have more freedom to be myself. In this conservative society, I often feel oppressed by the expectations placed on a teenage girl.
8. I wish that Mom and Mitzi finalize their travel plans to visit me!!!
9. I wish that my computer had space on it, so I could show you all my photos!
10. I wish that my Hindi continues to improve!
11. I wish that it would snow in Indore!
12. Lastly, I wish you all have a Very Merry Christmas and a Joy Filled New Year!

I'm still in India...though I've been neglecting my blog...

My sincere apologies for not writing in over two months! My parents often remind me that I have family and friends back home who are concerned about me and are interested in my exchange and my thoughts on India. And I have been leaving you all in the dust! I really feel loved knowing how much support I have at home. Two weeks ago, I was talking with my aunties Jude and Reina, and Reina told me how her brothers, whom I don’t think I’ve ever met, ask how I’m doing in India. For some reason that really made me smile, to know that some people just want to make sure that I have the best exchange possible!
My last journal entry was October 10th; that was 10 weeks ago! In this time, so much has happened (I’m happy to say)! I can’t possibly tackle all of it in one blog post, and honestly, I don’t think anyone would want to read a never-ending essay of my last two months. So my goal is to post as much as I can before I leave on Christmas day for my Rotary District Conference and then my ten-day Gujarat trip.
To be honest, this blog post should have come a lot earlier. I’ve learned from four years in high school that procrastination never pays off, and now I’m really feeling the need to catch up! I am almost ashamed to say that I only had four days of school in November, and just five in December, and yet I still didn’t write! But if you are reading this now, Thank You for sticking with me, and still showing interest in what I’m doing here, half way around the world!
~ Namaste ~

Chloe