Everything has changed since I last wrote...
In the end, I didn't move to a new host family. The doctor ultimately declined, saying it was too much for her right now to take in an ''American girl"...this leads me to say...
I don't understand why so many people declined hosting me during this year. Every time, it was the same. They didn't say, "We're sorry, but we can't host an exchange student right now." It was always, "We're sorry, but we can't host an American girl right now." My host mom (who has confessed to me that she agreed to host me, only out of obligation because she was also sending her son) said to me once, that because I'm American, because I'm from such a developed country, many families here will feel uncomfortable, and even ashamed of their homes and lives, if I stay with them. What will I think of the food they serve? What will I think of the squat toilet I have to use?
But who am I? Some foreign nobility they must impress? I have had this same feeling so many times throughout this year, and still, I get fed up. Why must people here look up to me, because of my nationality? Why should they be ashamed to share themselves with me, and teach me about their culture. I would have never signed up for this program, or chosen India as number one, if I wasn't ready for a year that was completely different from everything I knew.
Do people here really have only one perception of Americans? If so, that makes me extremely sad. Contrary to popular belief, I am not some rich girl, who has my own car, and eats McDonald's for lunch and pizza for dinner, every day. I am not a Christian who goes to church every Sunday. I have not had multiple boyfriends. My education was not easy or simple. Oh yeah, and I am not afraid of "Blacks".
But unfortunately, this is what most people think after taking just one look at me. By the color of my skin, and the clothes that I wear, I am labeled an outsider, and that label, I believe, can never disappear in their minds. And on top of being an outsider, I am American. Sometimes I resent this label. Why can't I just say I'm from, say, Switzerland? Maybe then, I wouldn't have to deal with the misconceptions of being American.
And don't think I receive negative attention for being American. It is quite the opposite. It's the admiration that I loathe, the sparks in peoples' eyes when they realize they've met their first, real life, American. So many American tourists suggest to wear Canadian flags while traveling. But if you want to get anywhere in India, show that Red, White, and Blue proudly, wave those stars and stripes up high. Because nothing is cooler than the land of McDonald's, Akon, or High School Musical. Believe me people when I say, this is what we are known for! Somehow, this is what our reputation in India has come to!
I am done explaining to my teachers at school, or to Rotarians, or to my dance and cooking instructors, what my life at home is really like. I think it is time that America creates a positive, and accurate public image, because I am tired of doing all the explaining!!!
Note to readers: It is 2 AM, it's about 100 degrees, I can't sleep, and the above rant was unintentional. I know it is biased and overgeneralized. I innocently went to write a blog, just to provide an update on my life. But instead, this came spewing out of my head. Maybe tomorrow, I'll read it again, and question what I was thinking, but for now, I will leave it posted.
Goodnight I guess!
In the end, I didn't move to a new host family. The doctor ultimately declined, saying it was too much for her right now to take in an ''American girl"...this leads me to say...
I don't understand why so many people declined hosting me during this year. Every time, it was the same. They didn't say, "We're sorry, but we can't host an exchange student right now." It was always, "We're sorry, but we can't host an American girl right now." My host mom (who has confessed to me that she agreed to host me, only out of obligation because she was also sending her son) said to me once, that because I'm American, because I'm from such a developed country, many families here will feel uncomfortable, and even ashamed of their homes and lives, if I stay with them. What will I think of the food they serve? What will I think of the squat toilet I have to use?
But who am I? Some foreign nobility they must impress? I have had this same feeling so many times throughout this year, and still, I get fed up. Why must people here look up to me, because of my nationality? Why should they be ashamed to share themselves with me, and teach me about their culture. I would have never signed up for this program, or chosen India as number one, if I wasn't ready for a year that was completely different from everything I knew.
Do people here really have only one perception of Americans? If so, that makes me extremely sad. Contrary to popular belief, I am not some rich girl, who has my own car, and eats McDonald's for lunch and pizza for dinner, every day. I am not a Christian who goes to church every Sunday. I have not had multiple boyfriends. My education was not easy or simple. Oh yeah, and I am not afraid of "Blacks".
But unfortunately, this is what most people think after taking just one look at me. By the color of my skin, and the clothes that I wear, I am labeled an outsider, and that label, I believe, can never disappear in their minds. And on top of being an outsider, I am American. Sometimes I resent this label. Why can't I just say I'm from, say, Switzerland? Maybe then, I wouldn't have to deal with the misconceptions of being American.
And don't think I receive negative attention for being American. It is quite the opposite. It's the admiration that I loathe, the sparks in peoples' eyes when they realize they've met their first, real life, American. So many American tourists suggest to wear Canadian flags while traveling. But if you want to get anywhere in India, show that Red, White, and Blue proudly, wave those stars and stripes up high. Because nothing is cooler than the land of McDonald's, Akon, or High School Musical. Believe me people when I say, this is what we are known for! Somehow, this is what our reputation in India has come to!
I am done explaining to my teachers at school, or to Rotarians, or to my dance and cooking instructors, what my life at home is really like. I think it is time that America creates a positive, and accurate public image, because I am tired of doing all the explaining!!!
Note to readers: It is 2 AM, it's about 100 degrees, I can't sleep, and the above rant was unintentional. I know it is biased and overgeneralized. I innocently went to write a blog, just to provide an update on my life. But instead, this came spewing out of my head. Maybe tomorrow, I'll read it again, and question what I was thinking, but for now, I will leave it posted.
Goodnight I guess!
Aww Chlo! I'm so sorry about not being able to move to a new host family. That's super shady. Foreigners really do hate Americans. They judge what they do not really know. It's human nature, I guess. No worries friend, pull through those remaining weeks! I know you can do it!
ReplyDeleteFrom Arielle
P.S I just realized I'm writing to you as if you're still there. My life is average.